A blog roll

I have decided to start a blog roll, I like Johnny Lairds idea of asking people to be included. If you want to be included in my blog roll, drop me a comment and I will check you out.

Working out the meal costs

We have just been out for a meal with the Cookies and Pearsons in London. There was thirteen of us, so working out the split of the costs was a major deal. Despite having an two accountants, a civil servant and a doctor. In the end the doctor worked it out.

I'm thinking that I could use this situation to help me persuade Heather buy a new Apple laptop. Seeing as Will now has one.

We are planning to go out tomorrow and visit all the monopoly sites??!! I will let you know how we get on.

Children

Some very good friends of mine, recently had cause to look after their two young nephews for a couple of days. I think they found it a bit of a shock. Lynsey (for that is her name(no point in hiding now)) described her morning of trying to get kids out of bed into clothes, breakfast eaten and off to school, with a look of horror that I rarely see from her. Because Lynsey and Neil are precise and careful people. I can imagine Neil out with the hoover before a spot of dust manages to hit the floor of their lovely house (although he can't change the wheel of a car:)).

Neil was so traumatised by the experience he went to work (as a solicitor) with odd shoes on.

iTrip

We have bought a iTrip for our iPods. It turns your iPod into a small radio station so you can use a radio as speakers. I was coming home last night from a stressful day at work unwinding listening to the Best of the Monkees. I got stuck in the Mersey tunnel for half an hour, but my radio kept on getting interference from another nearby iTrip. So I decided to listen to theirs instead. For the rest of the journey home I was able to listen numerous other iPods. I invented a new game "place the tune to the other people in their cars".

Great Sport.

Grandma

I was thinking the other day on the way to work about Grandma. She is 101 years old now, she has given up jogging and the local rugby club has stopped asking her if she can turn out for the second team, but she still managers to get to most of the meetings at the corps.

She is starting to get more and more confused. It was her birthday the other day and it was great to see her surprise everytime she noticed the same box of Uncle Joes Mint Balls we had bought her. She kept on forgetting that we had bought it for her and she would put it back in the same place and then pick it up several minutes later "Ooh are these mine", "Yes Grandma they are for your birthday. You are 101 today". "No, I'm not that old". Mum caught her later on doing the sum on the back of a piece of paper "1906 - 2007".

Grandma was in her 40s when Hilary and Tensing climbed Everest. Television wasn't available until she was in her 20s. She was in her 50s when the first motorway was built. She has lived through 2 World Wars. She left school when she was young to work in the local mill and she entered the Salvation Army Training College, I the first or second session at Denmark Hill.

She is pictured here with her latest great grand child who was born 100 years after she was.

Quizzes

We do a few quizzes at work. It helps with team building and we have a laugh.

Question: What is carried by a Aquaduct

Long silence

Prompt: The clue is in the word AQUAduct

Long silence

Answer: Ducks?

Future for Socks

The future is a bit bleak for Socks the Blue Peter cat.

It's that time of year again #1

.. when Salvationist start their annual keep fit campaign around their local houses for Annual Appeal. I did write some hints last year and so I am going to apologise if any of this is repeated, but it is what I was thinking last night as I ploughed down "Long Lane" (as the name implies it is very long).


1. Play "guess the age of the occupant" as you walk up the drive. Young married, retired, married with kids. Based on type of car, size of house, type of furniture, type of door etc.

2. Notice again that Vauxhall can't make red cars.

3. Good signs on approaching the house, Car with fish sign in back window, religous icons in the porch.

4. Not good signs, no car at all at the house, no lights on in the house, boarded up windows, workmen outside the house.

5. Knock on door, youngster answers "Its the Salvation Army ....", "'I'll get my mum" they reply and go upstairs "Noooooo!!". Three minutes later a harried parent appears with in a towel or dressing gown. "Can you help the Salvation Army in their Annual Appeal?" you ask sheepishly.

6. Go to a door, all is black, you knock on the door and ring the bell. Wait. As you are just about to leave, a light goes on inside. You wait. The light goes off. You wait. Then you leave.

7. Walking down the garden you see the family watching Coronation Street inside. Ring the bell and knock on the door. No one answers. They watch you walk away from the house. Resist the temptation to wave.

8. Knock on the door. Usually a bloke answers, "Would you like to help ...." etc. "There's nobody in" is the reply. Smile to "nobody", thank them and leave.

9. You always think of the funny answers when you are walking back down the drive. Knock on door, "Would you like to help the Salvation ...." etc. "How?" is the honest reply. "Put some money in the tin?". "Oh right fine". What I should have said is "or can you play a Trombone".

Happy Birthday Grandma

We went to Grandmas 101st birthday party on Monday. Heather and I had considered what to buy for her but struggled. What do you buy somebody who has everything they need in their flat and perhaps wouldn't remember what it was anyway.

Its only recently Grandma has started to forget things, but she seemed to have such good time on her birthday. All her daughters and son's in law where there, Mary (my mum), Ruth and Alice. She loves sweets and cakes and she had a lot.

We decided to buy her some Lancashire stuff (because she was born in Burnley). We got her Lancashire Tea (like Yorkshire Tea but not as famous), Eccles cakes and Uncle Joes Mint Balls.

I am getting old ... or perhaps?!!

I spent Tuesday helping Will, Debbie and Katie move to Denmark Hill. I went with Will in the big 7.5 Tonne van (surely it's illegal to drive one of those without a proper license, but Will did a good job (will need to apologise to a bus driver in Liverpool about his mirror, but Will was just getting used to the size of the thing then). Debbie followed in her car with Katie.

During the drive we decided that there is one phrase I cannot use, that is "I remember going wrong at this junction.....". I used this twice during the trip and Will did precisely the same thing. The first time was at Oxford services "I remember going the wrong way of this junction and having to go all the way to Bicester to turn around". That cost us 20miles. The other one was "Be careful going over the Vauxhall Bridge, I always get the wrong exit towards the Oval there" That one only cost us a few minutes but just as annoying in a large van.

We spent the evening carrying Wills belongings up to the 2nd floor flat. 5 flights of stairs and 40 stairs. It wasn't long before I was out of breath and I didn't believe how tired I felt. I must be getting old.

The answer was next morning I came down with a heavy cold. This must have accounted for my tiredness whilst carrying Will and Debbies stuff.

Thats possibly, isn't it Doctor Will??????!!!!!!!!

Heroes

I have added Heroes as one of my favourite TV shows. I must admit that I have not really got into some of the recent American imports (24, Lost etc) so this is a first for me. My brother Peter says they are all the same and they will string you along with unresolved plot lines between series and never really deliver.

So, we'll see........

Differences between France and UK

We got back from France last week and I have been considering the differences between the two countries.

1. France has longer and straighter roads. Because France is bigger and so therefore the roads need to be longer reach all the towns. They are straighter because France is bigger and so everything is more spread out, so you don't need to drive around things (for instance London and the M25).
2. French motorways only have two lanes generally. This means that French drivers generally will drive two inches from your rear bumber at 80mph and flash their lights if they want to get past.
3. All French people wear really nice clothes, but I couldn't find where they bought them. All shops in French towns sell tat, bread or chocolates. The conclusion is that French people buy all their clothes from secret shops, so foreigners can't buy them.
4. French yobos clear up after themselves.

I will post some more when I remember them.

Why I dislike IKEA

Before I post about my holiday in France I feel I need to post about my mild dislike of IKEA. Whilst I recognise the effect that IKEA has had on the chintz in peoples homes in this country it is possible to idly dislike the store for the following reasons.

1. Inside the store is too hot

2. There are two types of trolleys. One type has a bar across the front which you push and it can go in any direction but sometimes bangs your feet. The other type has handles either side, can go in any direction, can badly damage ankles and can go in any direction.

3. You are expected to express an opinion on something that you have no knowledge of at all. I was asked to pick out some curtain poles. But they all seemed to be able to do the job quite adequately. (I can't comment on them aesthetically, I suppose one or two would not have been out of place in Frankensteins castle and I recognised another couple from the original series of Star Trek)

4. I don't like the fact that when you leave the store (with three trolleys full of stuff which you cannot do without, even though you only went in to buy light bulbs (that you can't by anywhere else)), you feel the need to buy a piece of plastic called "BOVT" which cost 49p, specially designed to catch candle wax from getting onto your dining room table or for storing aforementioned light bulbs.

5. I noticed that they had a chair on test which they had a mechanical bum sitting on it for up to now 150,000 times. It doesn't seem to be the original chair that was installed when the store was built. What happened to it? Did it break? I wanted to see that happen.

6. We spent some considerable time looking for hooks for kitchen towels, we found some hooks for bathroom towels and other kitchen equipment but not for kitchen towels.

7. A good thing now is you can take your purchased goods over the car park to the car without having to jockey for position near the entrance. The cement bollards would not allow you to take the trolleys away from the store. It must have taken IKEA ages to work out that trolley thieves (and there must be many) will not steal trolleys which are designed to maim (see point 2)

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday (rit) dear blog (pause)
(a tempo) Happy Birthday to you

Come on you blues

The football season starts tomorrow, and European action for Everton.

I have started a fantasy football league, if anybody wants to join, drop me an email or give me a ring and I shall give you the web site details. The more the merrier.

Come on you blues!!

London

Well I got to London after completing the important things on my list (see below).
List of things I did in London.

Wednesday

• Met Heather and Matthew of the train
• Went on tube to Mel and Hamish's house in Camberwell

We don't have the tube in Liverpool/Ormskirk we have trains. The difference seems to be the temperature (it's so hot in the tube), it's only crowded in the rush our in Liverpool, in London when you blow your nose, it comes out black!

Thursday

• Went to London Museum, because Matthew wanted to see about the Great Fire of London. In the end he got most concerned about the Black Death. (I think the Liverpool museum would be about fighting and litter (only joking, I live here)
• Went to the Science Museum, saw the rockets, cars and old computers (which I worked on when I was at college (PDP 8))
• Met Heather from work near Bush House
• Went to get coffee from IHQ (but it was closed, it has only ever been closed when I have been there)
• Had coffee outside Tate across the river
• Went into the Tate Gallery. Saw poo in a can. (Apparently there is some discussion if the "artist" has put his poo in the can, I suspect if it where me I would just put a new label on a tin of tuna. Far less messy and art just the same. I mean who is going to check!?)
• Went back to Mel's and had an Indian takeaway.

Friday

• Had a lazy morning (Finished reading Harry Potter, (Ron dies, (no he doesn't)))
• Went to meet Helen (sister in law) and the girls in Greenwich Park (great view of central London (forgot camera)
• Had a lovely afternoon. Matthew, Lauren and Fleur did play grounds and went on the pedalos.
• Went to Helen and Howards and had tea
• Matthew stayed for sleep over
• Drove back to Camberwell (getting lost on the way, obviously)

Saturday

• Packed for trip home
• Went to get Matthew, Lauren and Fleur from Bromley.
• Drove to Reading
• Met Mum and Dad
• Saw Alistair (Andy, Brad and Steph) at TMS final festival (They where all fab)
• Drove home
• Arrived home at 1:50
• Went to bed

Out walking

I've been out with Matthew in London today. We walked for miles. I passed this sign on the road
We walked for miles to get to the exhibition..... Must have walked right passed it.

Ho Ho!

List of things to do before I go to London...

I have a list of jobs to do before I go to London to meet my wife and children on Wednesday after work.

1. Clean the kitchen floor
2. Phone Alistair about paper round
3. Do the dishwasher a few times (remember to use as few dishes myself to cut down on dishwashing (and be kind to the environment, obviously))
4. Tidy the living room
5. Tidy the bedroom
6. Pack my bags to go to London
7. Remember to take Heathers make up bag
8. Go to work on the train
9. Phone about a new car
10. Socialise with my mum and dad (probably around tea time)
11. Watch "Casino Royale" on DVD
12. Watch "Hot Fuss" on DVD
13. Sync up and charge my iPod
14. Go and watch Everton verses Werder Bremen at Goodison

Now I have done some of these things on the list. I leave it up to you to guess which ones I have done.

People care about Chocolate

I took a lot of grief about my choice of chocolate bars for my last poll. People asked why it was Neslte and Mars no Cadburys. So I have chosen the best Gerry Anderson show for the next one.

The Clangers

I've been watching some retrospective television programmes on BBC Four recently about some sixties and seventies cult hits. Oliver Postgates The Clangers and Bagpus where featured. I can appreciate The Clangers, but Bagpuss never did it for me. I found the busybody mice annoying.

There was a look at "Blakes 7" which I remember watching as it was the same time that Stars Wars was released on the cinema.

Second time around, I was amazed at the shaky sets and the slow paced script compared to todays amazing computer generated graphics and committee written scripts.

(Warning Sally Army content coming up)

Recently, I have had the opportunity to think about our church (corps) 10, 20 years ago. Have we moved on? Do the sets wobble?

I know, as a section leader, I am always thinking about the style of worship (perhaps too much). We don't do tambourines anymore. When we sing an old style "Army" chorus I am left thinking "What was all that about?".

What are we? Seventies or sixties or eighties with Bill and Ben, Blakes 7, Renta Ghost, Wonder woman, Adam Ant, Dallas

Or more upto date with the 90s Tellytubbies, This Life, Reeves and Mortimer.