On Saturday we went to Warrington Ikea. So I have devised the following rules for getting around.
Rule 1. Go around with friends. Make sure you take friends with you to Ikea, You can then focus on taking the mickey out of Ikea with friends rather than just Heather (Because she has heard all of your jokes, although she still laughs politely).
Rule 2. Don't even try to use the shortcuts (the store have installed "men short cuts" which bypass part of the store.) You will get to the end of the store and realise you haven't been to all parts. So you will need to back track and find the bits you have missed.
Rule 3. My friend at work tells me that you need to look out for women in the car park crying. Apparently there are lots, they are crying because they have had a row about what they haven't bought or because they can't get what they have bought into the car.
Rule 4. Always walk slightly ahead of the group you are with. It adds an element of urgency to the expedition.
Rule 5. Never let your guard down. Even towards the end of the store, when you get to the check out, there are items which seem you can't live without. But when you get them home, you will a) wonder what they are for b) Have already bought six and forgotten about c) They will have broken before you get them into the house from the car.
Rule 6. Don't go with kids. You will never get them out of kids bedrooms.
Rule 7. Go just before lunch, so you can spend most of your time in the cafe.
Thanks to Glyn and Jeanette for the inspiration and for the good time on Saturday